Nu l-am mai văzut
he was convinced
that an impulsive hiccup would kill him.
nu l-am mai văzut niciodată pe tata
slab, vlăguit, neputincios
n-a avut niciodată nevoie de cuvintele mele
de încurajările mele de copilă
care n-a trăit ce-a trăit el în aproape un secol
îi spuneam
o să fie bine, virusul a trecut,
astea sunt doar reminiscențe,
efecte secundare
ale tratamentului
schema de tratament a fost dură
dar te pui
pe picioare
ce-a fost mai greu a trecut,
îi spuneam ecranului
să fie puternic
mă privea absent, prin mine, nici eu nu
credeam ce spun, apoi închidea,
nu mai avea forță să stea
în capul oaselor
era convins
că un sughiț compulsiv o să-l omoare.
când l-au dus
la urgențe în perfuzii
mama i-a pus telefonul în față și a zis
ia-ți la revedere de la tata
cu toate somniferele
m-a bușit un plâns
la trei dimineața,
am fugit la bucătărie de parcă
îmi venea să vomit.
m-aș fi urcat în primul avion
dar mă aștepta carantina.
I’ve Never Seen
I've never seen my dad
weak, indefensible, powerless
never needed my words
the reassurance
of a little girl who never saw what he lived in almost a century
I told him
it'll be all right, the virus has passed,
these are just reminiscences
side effects
of the treatment
The treatment regimen was harsh.
but you're getting
on your feet
the hardest part is over,
I was telling the screen
to be strong
he looked at me absently, right through me, even I didn’t
believe what I was saying, then he hung up,
he didn't have the strength to stay seated
he was convinced
that an compulsive hiccup would kill him.
When they took him away
to the E.R. to put him on IV
my mother put the phone in his face and said
say good-bye to your father.
With all the sleeping pills
I burst into tears
at three in the morning,
I ran to the kitchen like
I wanted to throw up.
I would have gotten on the first plane
but quarantine was waiting.